Saturday, March 20, 2010

I'm still kicking and work in progress.

Hello friends. I'm still around and working, I've just been quite. Above is my take on the little fellow from the movie "Trick r' Treat" It still has a ways to go, but I am trying to make it more scarier than it was in the movie. Hopefully I will. I am wanting to do more movie art.
I have been having some health "issues" that are causing me to be concerned. Nothing that can't be taken care of though, but I am sure wishing that I hadn't spent 1/3 of my life partying like there was no tomorrow, which is really what I want to talk about. I know ALOT of artist, and all of them, except a hand few, are very self destructive. They (and I did too) either smoke way to much, drink, or do drugs, or even more messed up stuff to punish themselves for being born a artist?
Trust me, it is a hard pill to swallow. Your not happy doing anything else, and if you do another job besides create, you become even more self destructive. A very select handful of artist actually make a good living doing art, the rest of us have to struggle our butts off and often whine up starving or no have no power or phone, because someone didn't pay you, or their check bounced. Your doomed to live day to day, never knowing what to expect, never knowing "What is the right thing to do?" Quite often I fell like I made the wrong choices, but I was raised to believe that I should follow my heart, and my heart has betrayed me many times, putting me in harms way, having people I considered family rip my heart out and then laugh at me all because my heart told me to help them, but as Mark told me one day, "You knew they where a snake when you let them in, did you expect them to not be true to their nature?" or something like that. But it drove the point home.
I don't know, maybe these things have supposed to happen to me so my mind would become a darker place. I watched the movie "The Cell" last night, and I felt sorry for the serial killer and felt that he was the real victim. So what does that say about me? I don't have any conscious thoughts of wanting to kill anyone, but there are a few people I would love to be alone with for 5 minutes. That's what a lot of people don't understand about me. To 95% of the world, I am the most gentle and kind person there is, but I've always had the "Beast" hiding in the back of my mind, and when I let it out, I create things, and the older I have gotten the darker they have gotten, and I am heading down a even darker road with my art right now. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but regardless, that's where I am going.
On the other hand, being an artist does have it's perk, especially on this level. I know 80% of the most famous horror writers out there. I get to do cool stuff like work with movie people and be able to chat with the "Stars" It always blows my mind when one of them tell me that their a fan of my work, and I am like their biggest fan, but I have to remain calm, and not say anything stupid. lol So that part of it is pretty cool, and hell I still get a huge thrill when I open a package, and it is books or magazines with my art on the cover. I know Cheryl is proud of me when she sees that, and she does worry about me making an ass out of myself, and always is there with the calm head to get me to calm down and think things through. I know that in this business it is important to as how people perceive you, so I do try to set a good example most of the time, but alas, I am only human.
But back to the point of the blog, why are most artist self-destructive? Now, the last few years I have really changed my habits and gave up the bad ones. The time has come for me to try and salvage what is left and make it stronger and healthier. I can only speak for myself, but now that i able to look back on things I think a lot of the problem has been that I have to much ambition, and get very frustrated when life throws up walls instead of opening doors. I know you have to close those mountains and all, but I have, and still get meet with a letdown.
Finally after all these years I am sorta happy with my work, but I know I have a long ways to go before I reach Mastery, if I ever do. To even have a shot at that the first thing I have to do is get myself healthier. I can see that I constantly improve in each painting for the most part, as long as I don't get burnt out. If that happens, I have to take a break like I have this last month. I have to give my self a chance to recharge. It only happens ever few years, but it happens. My guess is that it happens to most artist. Sometimes you just have to take a break and step back from things and gain a new perspective.
Well, it's time for me to get. I'm watching the kids tonight, and I have Andrea into Godzilla movies and she is ready to watch one! lol Peace!

1 comment:

Geo said...

that little dude was creepy and your version is looking even creepier !

i hear ya brother when it comes to what we artist think of ourselves and our art. i for one am never happy with what i do, i mean i might be for a short period of time but sooner or later i see alot of mistakes. i see that as progression but the way it happens still is a kick in the nuts.

art is all about being an individual for me. and that is the road i follow.